Do I have an outdated experience?
We are rounding the completion of the first quarter of 2023. How are you experiencing life these days? For me this quarter has been a bit bumpy - literally! I have received more colds and body imbalances than I can recall in a decade, along with a full down-for-the-count fall on the sidewalk while walking to the farmers market one Sunday. These experiences have shaken me in a new way and prompted me to sit in them and explore what is trying to emerge in my life. In terms of the fall, I noticed that when I went down my inclination to feel embarrassed and jump back up like nothing had happened was not present. I stopped and laid there to slowly scan myself from head to toe and feel- that was a new behavior for me. I allowed myself to feel grateful that I had not chipped a tooth, scarred my face, or any breaks. As I paid attention, I noticed the absence of what my past reactions would have been, jump up pretend it didn't happen, say I'm ok, ignore the pain, blood, and move on. I also recalled 10 years ago I had a painful fall off my bike on a busy road that left me bloody, limping and scarred. The next day I had to go to work and ignore my pain and discomfort for I had just started a brand-new job the week before. My world has changed dramatically in many ways. The whole experience got me curious on many levels.
This year I have been playing around with change and how that would express itself for me.
My coaching conversations, continued research, and energy balancing are all around thinking about and exploring change, obstacles, emotions, impacts, decisions, and how to move in new ways along with the energy of healing and repair. The beginning of the year I decided that my motto for 2023 was "I Need Help". All the areas of my Life what I call "Life Spheres": Business/ Career, Love/ Family Relationships, Money/ Financial, Checkups/Health, Learning/Education, Rest, Grief, Play, etc. I decided to engage with a Life Coach to help me see new things and ways of making sense of my new experiences.
The Universe tends to listen to my declaration and gives me situations that will challenge my thoughts.
In reflection, the first thing that came to my awareness is my denial that I had caught Covid. As I talked through my rationalizations, I realized that I was in full denial. I believed that because the test stripe wasn't clearly stating I had Covid, it wasn’t true- false idea. I was protecting a mindset that was probably lingering around in other ways. This made me slow down to think and really look at all the angles of my denial practice. What behavior was I protecting? Hello Ego. What makes this important for me now? I saw how I needed to be right no matter what a strong pattern.
It is much easier for me to help clients to this work than by myself- I just can’t see it when I am in this cycle of behavior. In coaching we use the term "blind spots" like when you are driving a car, trying to change lanes, and almost create an accident because you can't see the other vehicle. They are not in your sight and awareness in that moment. Turns out for me the impact of that denial has more impacts than I was aware of as I looked closely. I saw how my actions can block me from not hearing you deeply, create unexplored stories and assumptions that limit my ability to connect deeply. Can you relate to this theme in your life? I am still working with denial and keep a post-it note up to remind me to check in throughout the day with my relationship with denial.
Once I was able to unpack that, a huge awareness came forward for me. The light came on and got bright when I realized within the past 10 year I was stuck and outdated in the clothes I was choosing, buying, and wearing that really hadn't changed much from when I was a much heavier woman. I still believed (unchecked) that clothing stores didn't carry my size, so why bother to look, or try on any item that was different or might fit. It was a deeply ingrained idea, that I practiced until it became a belief, which then created a story. I even went so far to support my thoughts and declared I am a minimalist. One of the behaviors that has been a theme in my life is balance- I am on or off, this or that, full speed or stopped. All of that came forth from an unexplored and now outdated belief.
Coming into harmony is my goal and practice and no longer trying to get rid or fight against things is more of the work I am leaning into with my own journey. Having my own Life Coach to walk with in my journey continues to help me learn, grow, and challenge my thoughts beautifully. I am realizing how scary the ideas and images I make up in my mind that have not happened. Finally, reflecting on my hardened ways I felt I needed to be and practiced at a time in my life served me prior however to move forward toward what I want requires different ways of being. So, exploring, sharing, questioning, and opening to more of this work which I enjoy doing with clients is my work for me! Cultivating this new relationship within has connected me to vulnerability and tenderness intimately. I recognize it lean in more and is no longer something I avoid, run from, or deny- it's an updated practice.
Blessings to you for taking the time to read. Please reach out and let me know your thoughts.
Karen is a Credentialed Embodiment Life Coach, Retreat session facilitator of Embodiment of Values, Reiki Practitioner and Creator of MicroDose Meditation. If you would like to explore a Coaching session, Energy Clearing or Book our Embodiment of Values for Exploring & Creating your best life please reach out here: https://calendly.com/karegrounds/meeting
Check our Monthly Virtual Energy Clearing Event- March 23,2023 -You must RSVP! https://www.karegrounds.com/events